Archive for the ‘ Odd Thoughts ’ Category

There are too many things to keep track of

I am easily overwhelmed by the exponentially branching tree of things I must think about in order to get a single thought thunk or a single action performed. Maybe writing some of it down will be helpful, but a lot can happen between a thought and its recording.

I pulled my voice-recorder out of my bag today, because I was thinking about how typing things requires enough of my brain to chase the thoughts out of my head.

I need some system for keeping track of things in my head and sorting things out, for serializing and prioritizing and scheduling. At the moment I’ll think of one important thing and maybe it’ll make it onto my hand, but more likely it’ll be chased out of my head by another thought that seems equally urgent in just a few minutes. Worse, I know this is going to happen, and it taints exciting new ideas with fear and frustration.

Just this morning I thought to ask Tyler if there’s anything in the Bible that you couldn’t possibly figure out unless you knew some elusive culture fact. Remembering that I had thought of that question in the shower and then feared that I would forget it prompted this blog post. As soon as I thought the question, I feared I would lose it, so I repeated it to myself a couple of times, and then suddenly thought of something else which chased it out of my head until now. I’m full of these. What should I do with them? Tyler has been out of the office for hours, and I won’t remember to ask him this tomorrow.

Perhaps if I scheduled a time to read my TODO list, and whenever I thought of a new TODO I’d say it in the voice recorder and have another time to fill in the list… I’ve tried all sorts of things, though, and none of them have ever taken root in my life. Events get scheduled in my Google Calendar, which texts me when things are about to happen. I still miss some of those notifications because I’m so used to them that I ignore them, or because they come an hour before the event and I forget to set a more proximal alarm.

Problems with that: It’s hard to have a set time to do anything as seemingly trivial as a time to read and act upon my TODO list. It also doesn’t contain any method of prioritizing or pruning entries that require more than a couple of minutes to do, like replying to some email or writing a blog post…

How do I know how to prioritize things? I actually have a TODO list (I always do – it’s just not very useful), and it looks like this, copied verbatim:

——————————
TODO:
URGENT TASK: Play level 18 of Portal so Katie can beat it
wordpress theme for crusade and ccfl
on my own time, learn:
everything about rspec, remarkable, pickle and cucumber
vim scripting, specifically how to run quick bash commands with strings from the document from a hotkey (I want a grep -r “<string>” *) http://bit.ly/aWZdq2
how to make gems
how to use  Nokogiri
pray for WALT for guidance during his exit from compacency
pay stu $25 for the shaver
pay ben $35 for the bike
———————————-

There isn’t actually any urgency in my playing Portal, but making the ccfl and crusade websites is extremely important and will take weeks of hard work. There really should be a better place for non-daily prayers, but I don’t have one so it gets dumped here. I owe ben and stu money, and mentioning that to myself here doesn’t really ever help them to get paid, but it does keep track of the amount I still owe them, assuming I remember to update it every time I buy stu a sandwich… Who knows what should be in here?

This causes me a lot of stress, and I hope I figure it out. I’m sortof open to your suggestions, but I have tried a lot of things, and just getting the trivial organizational schemes that work for you just because you’re better endowed for this sortof thing may not feel that welcome. Writing about it has been helpful, though, so I guess writing does impose some order on the chaos.

Anyway, here ends the first of many rambly blog posts. The new philosophy is to prioritize the creation of blog posts over blog post quality.

Sabbath

I just watched this and it was surprisingly encouraging and challenging to me.

I wonder what it would be like to get it in my head that I work hard all week and then there’s one day where I only rest.

Currently, I either work really really hard for hours with no breaks, get a lot done and feel really destroyed and dangerously disconnected from reality afterwards, or I fight the need to do work, get nothing done, sinfully waste tons of time and feel awful afterwards.

I’ve got one more year to go at Cornell, and I don’t feel emotionally, physically or spiritually prepared. It’s just too much work, and next year Katie won’t be right here by my side to support me. Intentionally (I do it sporadically and unintentionally all the time) taking a Sabbath day out of my week on which I only rest seems pretty stressful, but maybe it could help a lot.

This is a non-trivial question to me. I’m at Cornell. I am not a genius. I feel like I need every day I can get. What if taking a Sabbath one week means getting a zero on a homework assignment?

Your thoughts?

Guess that didn’t work…

Last post made things kindof awkward after a couple of months, so this is just to clear the waters so I can post again.

Greedy for Beauty, Longing Never Satisfied

I”m writing this now because, as I often mention, I get reset every morning. Regardless of what went on the day before, I always wake up a new person – sometimes happy, usually neutral leaning towards cynical, and sometimes nasty. I want tomorrow to be different, because today was so good. Today I know God is real and working out a grand plan.

Today it started with music. There’s an amazing song arranged by Jon Schmidt called “Love Story meets Viva la Vida” because it’s Jon on the Piano and some other guy on the cello first playing Taylor Swift’s Love Story and then transitioning seamlessly into Viva la Vida. It stirs my soul, and alters my mood for the better, casting a generally deep and intriguing atmosphere over all of my thoughts. The song seems to subliminally encourage me to look deeper into thoughts, feelings and events, and I actually listened to it while I got caught up in my Bible reading.

The day before I had received The Weight of Glory, by C.S. Lewis, and started reading the title essay before going to sleep.  I got about a third of the way through, and a couple of concepts hit me. I was affected most deeply by the idea that longing and the apprehension of beauty are very closely related, if not the same emotion. The concept resonates with the core of me for two reasons.

First, as Lewis mentions, that fact is good evidence that there is a Heaven, and that God is there. We experience longing when we see something beautiful because we have a sort of residual understanding, unmarred by the fall, that there is a place we haven’t yet been, that we have been searching for all our lives; that there is something (Someone), some source, from which all the beauty we see with our eyes comes, and to which all that beauty points. This is far better to me than any alternate explanation of our feelings of beauty and longing in response to the beautiful, which is important for my peace of mind.

I am also gripped by the concept because it seems so very real. I have been consciously keeping an eye out for months for something that I could hold onto – something that would be sufficiently ubiquitous in my daily experience to hold me close to God even when I didn’t directly feel his presence. The fact that beauty is longing screams to me that there is a whole other class of beauty out there somewhere, of which the earthly beauty I see everywhere is but a mere suggestion.

C.S. Lewis also elaborates on the nature of that longing. When I listen to my beautiful music, I want to just dive into it. I want to eat it, become one with it, swish my feet around in it and then slide my whole body in. When I see a beautiful sunset, or the aftermath on a berry-bush of an ice storm, or the red and yellow autumn leaves, contrary to all worldly reason I desire –  so badly it hurts – to join myself to that glory. Those desires are not satisfiable in this world, so why are they there?

God loves us, and created us to worship him with our whole being forever. This is the greatest satisfaction we can attain, and is far more satisfying than anything we have ever yet experienced. And now one huge piece of evidence for it is felt in my bones, and surrounds me on every side.

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!”

Testing the feasibility of posting short… uh… posts

Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3…

I was just wondering if it would be OK to make short posts, given my philosophy of blogging, the theme I’m using, and other things… I’m in Appel, just ate breakfast with Jorge and Katie, and now I’m supposed to be writing a random A”I” that plays Risk for my Artificial Intelligence practicum, but instead my mind is sort of wandering to bigger things as I listen to Prelude, by Dan Bull.

EDIT: Wow, this is really nice. I want to do this every day.